


Furusato

by Morethancupcake



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Falling In Love, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Past Infidelity, Pining, Pining Dean, meeting each other again, mention of Uncle Bobby's romantic life because I couldn't help it, mention of cas/others, mention of past Lisa/Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 21:09:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12713013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: "Castiel remembers holding hands, and the butterflies he would get from that alone, thumbs brushing in the dark. He remembers Dean kissing him, soft, and sweet, smiles gentle. He remembers thinking Dean was the love of his life, so sure of it when they were both so young and so stupid."Castiel comes back to visit his family, and to take care of his uncle. Seeing Dean Winchester again was not part of his plan.





	Furusato

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo I watched Big Eden. And instead of being happy for the main characters, I feel for the underdog (I mean, seriously ? That chemistry ??) and it broke my heart to see him not get his happy ending. SO THERE IT IS ! (see how I keep everything vague so you don't know what I'm talking about ?)
> 
> The story is different, but I just wanted to give Dean and Cas a happy ending. They deserve one.
> 
> As usual, please remember English is not my first language and so if you really must point out the typos, please be nice.
> 
> That story is crossposted on Tumblr !
> 
> (P.S Castiel's definition of furusato isn't perfect, but let's say it's the booze ;) )

“Cas !”

Dean still smells like spearmint, and his hugs are still deeply comforting. He's still wearing plaid, and leather, and it should look stupid, except he smiles and holds Castiel's face in his hands, he laughs and he waves so Sam and Bobby can join them.

Dean Winchester grabs him, and Castiel is too weak to push him away.

 

Luke doesn't say a thing, he doesn't need to. He's polite, and answers their questions graciously. Castiel tries to excuse themselves, but Dean still holds onto him, asks him about his life, about everything, and Castiel can't find in himself not to smile back.

It's strange.

It's strange being back in their old house, his room pretty much the same. It's strange seeing Cain so weak, watching Luke help him in the morning, trying not to be in the way, trying not to be a nuisance when all he wants is to help, too.

It's strange, being here, and suddenly not caring about his work at the gallery, the new apartment he's supposed to pick, his projects.

 

After his shower, he picks an old sweater from Michael's room, and doesn't bother with his contacts.

 

“That's surreal,”

Dean asks him, how it feels. He brings food, and he's actually talking to Cain. Luke still ignores him, but hands him a cup of coffee, and doesn't seem to mind his presence so much.

They take their mugs outside, and Castiel tries to remember the last time he felt so calm, so at peace.

“I never thought I would see you again.” Dean tries to search for his eyes, his shoulders brushing his. Castiel wonders if he forgot, about them. If he forgot just why Castiel stayed away.

“It's been quite a while.” 

 

“It brings back memories, you and that boy.” Cain smiles, one of his rare smiles, and his hands are still shaking a little when he takes another bite. “Next time, tell him to stay for dinner. I miss spending time with you both. He always talks about you. He missed you, too. We all missed you.”

 

“He's the one who takes care of the house, when I can't. They spend a lot of time together.”

Luke doesn't offer more, he keeps stirring the concoction in the pot that smells incredibly good, and Castiel doesn't know if he's allowed to ask more. He busies himself with the small things he's allowed to do, chopping the garlic, cleaning the dishes. 

He never helped before, he was always either studying, or helping at the store. He doesn't remember anyone helping Luke in the kitchen, they were all too preoccupied with their own lives.

“He's changed, you'll see.” Luke grabs a bottle of ginger beer for himself, and after a second, grabs another one he hands to his little brother. “Winchester. He's different now. Not the same wild card who used to cause trouble.”

 

Castiel wonders if Dean's memories are, like his, so full of them together. Them napping in the sun, reading comics in his bedroom, running to the lake, helping Uncle Bobby in the auto shop. Castiel remembers the summers spent counting freckles on Dean's back, tracing the line of his jaw with his eyes. 

On his dresser, there's still a picture of them, laughing at whatever joke Gabriel was making. Happy.

 

Uncle Bobby hugs him too, and they all share coffee and cake. Dean sits next to him, and after a while, he just stretches and puts his arm on Castiel's chair. It used to make him mad, he used to read so much into things like this.

Sam keeps glancing at Dean, who's pointedly ignoring him, and it looks like nothing changes, after all.

 

“Hey, remember Jo ?” Dean pushes their cart, and he blabbers about everything and nothing. “She's on her way to be our Mayor now can you believe it ? She'll do amazing, I'm sure.”

“I'm sure.” Castiel remembers Jo's eyes, her smiles, the way she would blush when Dean wasn't watching, the terror he felt, thinking one day Dean was going to finally see.

 

“Lisa is still in Austin.” They're both putting their seat belts on when Dean offers it, eyes firmly on the small parking lot. “She's married and has an amazing kid. We kept in touch for a while but you know...”

He doesn't nod, doesn't comment, doesn't offer platitudes. He remembers Lisa, her huge smiles, her big heart. He remembers watching Dean kiss her, an arm around her shoulders, and dying inside.

“I never... apologized to you. About her.” Dean's voice is shaking, and Castiel has to close his eyes because the pain is still here, no matter the years, no matter the miles between them until now.

“You shouldn't.”

 

They unload the old pick up and put everything away in silence. 

Dean remembers, then.

 

Castiel remembers holding hands, and the butterflies he would get from that alone, thumbs brushing in the dark. He remembers Dean kissing him, soft, and sweet, smiles gentle. He remembers thinking Dean was the love of his life, so sure of it when they were both so young and so stupid.  
He remembers having his heart ripped open at the end of the summer, he remembers Dean's eyes pleading him not to say anything, not to make a scene.

 

“I am sorry.” Dean stays at the door, his beanie still in his hands. “You said not to apologize, but... I am sorry. I was stupid, Cas, I was...”

“It's been years.” He wants Dean to stop, he wants Dean to leave it alone, to leave the feelings he buried where they are. 

Dean is wearing a jacket that used to be Bobby's, he's not the same boy Castiel fell in love with when he was just a boy himself, but his heart still hurts knowing they can't, there's no hope here.

“For you, maybe.” Dean laughs, but it sounds awful, and he shakes his head. “Goodnight, Cas. I'll see you around, uh ?”

 

“Maybe now that you're here, Dean will do more than just work and then stay home.” Ellen glares at his nephew who just blushes under his freckles and grabs his plate, almost sending his burger toppling over.

 

“Do you miss the city ?” 

He should avoid Dean, he should think about his work, and the new loft, but Dean is there, and they both loved to walk in the dark, watching the moon and the lake.

“Not as much as I thought I would.” Castiel tries to think about his lunch breaks with Balthazar, tries to remember Anna's laugh, and the taste of his favorite pizza. “Do you ? Miss the city ?”

“No.” Dean pouts a little, and sighs. “I hated it. I followed Sam because that was his dream. I didn't know what I really wanted, back then.”

“Do you, now ?”

“Yeah. Yeah I think so.”

Dean brushes their fingers together, slowly, and Castiel knows he's afraid. He's too. 

He pretends to trip and takes another step, breaking the connection.

 

“If it's space you need, there's the whole storage from the store you could use.” Cain is working on something, not ready to share with them yet.

Castiel frowns because it's not even an idea yet, just something he's toying with in his mind.

“Stop being obtuse, and just call your friend and make him send your stuff here.”

 

They're both walking home from the Roadhouse, a little buzzed but happy. Dean is singing under his breath, and Castiel can't help but follow, because it's nice, it's simple, and he's just happy.

 

It takes him a while to understand what the noise is. Dean sends another acorn against his window, and Castiel sighs, pushing the covers away and grabbing his glasses.

“You're insufferable.” They are both whispering, and Dean's feet are as cold as he remembers them to be.

“Hey, I brought you a burger. That counts for something, right ?”

“Shut up.”

 

There's no reason for Dean to still sleep in his bed instead of the sofa. There's no reason for them to whisper in the dark, when they could both be outside sharing coffee.

But Dean giggles, and his breath smells like rum and sugar, and his eyes looks almost translucent in the dark.

“I missed you Cas.” His lips are close, so close, and Castiel remember his first kiss, Dean Winchester kissing him on this exact same spot. “I missed you so much.”

 

Luke doesn't comment and just cracks two more eggs into the bowl. Cain just huffs at the way Dean seems to shuffle around, not sure if he should stay after all.

Dean's leg touches his, under the table, and he smiles, boyish and cute, and Castiel feels like his heart is breaking all over again.

 

“I just... I just wish...” Dean pushes himself into his own space, and Castiel takes a step back, and another, until his back is on the door, and Dean is right there.

“Dean, I know.”

“No you don't.” Dean is whispering now, lips close to his ear. “You don't. I'm so sorry.”

“I know.”

Dean holds him close, hiding his face in his neck. Castiel can't help but trace the line of his back, breathing him in.

“I just can't...” Dean tastes like tears, like regret, like everything Castiel swore to forget and leave behind in this little town.

 

Balthazar delivers the few things Castiel didn't want to see packed by the movers. He lifts an eyebrow at the house, the lake, the plate of roast beef Luke puts in front of him.

“I always forget what a country boy you are.”

He smokes outside, nursing a whiskey they share, and it's not so weird to see him here, to watch two parts of his life collide.

“Remember when we went to visit your mother, all the way to Sussex ?”

“Please don't remind me. I hate that house.” Balthazar takes a sip, and coughs. “I take it you're happy here ? No regrets ? You sure about it, dove ?”

“I think so.”

 

Dean hates Balthazar on the spot. 

He's too polite to show it, but Castiel knows, the way his eyes turn cold when Balthazar links their arms when they walk to the bar, the way he calls him dove, the way they both share a history Dean knows nothing about.

 

“Be careful with your heart, dove.” They're having coffee at the airport, and Castiel tries to ignore the blush he's sure is spreading down to his chest. “I don't want to see you hurt all over again.”

 

“So you're staying uh ?” Dean grins and puts a plate in front of him, a cheeseburger without tomato, just the ywa he likes it. “We managed to woo you.”

“I guess you did.” He bites into his food and almost moans because it's so good, Ellen a magician mastering the grill. The party is a very sweet attention, all his friends gathering around to celebrate his official move back.

“I'm glad.” Dean puts an arm around his shoulders and kisses the side of his head, and he looks so happy Castiel doesn't move away.

 

It's bittersweet. The party turns corny, people starting to dance to old songs, tea lights appearing in jars. 

Dean drags him and wrestles him until they're both dancing and it shouldn't make him so happy, it shouldn't except Dean laughs is contagious, and Castiel feels weak against it all.

 

“There's a Japanese word. Furusato. It means coming back to the place you grew up. Coming back home. That's what it feels like.” 

Castiel is drunk, drunk enough he almost misses the look in Dean's eyes. They're helping with the dishes, both trying to fight the alcohol with cups of black coffee. 

Dean looks at him like he's a stranger, and for a minute he is.

“Damn. I always forget how smart you are.” Castiel remembers the pamphlet from the gallery, learning about civilizations far away. “You were meant for better than this, uh ?”

It takes him a minute to move and abandon the dish towel, just resting his forehead on Dean's back, silently apologizing for everything between them.

 

“It was always you, Cas.” Dean is smoking, and is voice is so rough Castiel has to make an effort to understand. 

 

“What the fuck does that mean ?” 

Dean closes the door of the pantry, and it leaves them both alone. Gabriel had to make the comment, he had to say something about the guy hitting on Castiel during their little trip to the hospital, and getting a date.

“Gabriel is exaggerating. There was no spark, it was nothing like that.”

“So what, a stranger comes to you and asks for a date, and you say yes ?”

“I gave him my number, and told him to call. I don't see why it's such a...”

“So what now ?” Dean is yelling now. Castiel knows the whole house can hear them, he knows Cain, his brothers, Sam and Bobby can all hear them. “What are we then ? What is it we are ?”

“Yeah, Dean, what is it ?” He stops yelling right away, because Dean's eyes are full of tears, and he jerks back when Castiel tries to reach for him. They shuffle and send a few things to the floor, making even more of a mess. “I can't... keep waiting for you to find someone, Dean. I can't do that to myself again.”

“So what, then ? I had one chance, and I blew it ? We're not... nothing to you ?” Dean is crying, and Castiel doesn't remember the last time he let himself cry. 

“You said yourself, you can't !”

“You were leaving ! You had a boyfriend and you were leaving !” Dean grabs his shoulders and it hurts, yes, but not as much as the words Dean tries to say between sobs. “I don't know if I can be who you want me to be, but I know what love is, and I know I love you.”

“You don't love me. You love a memory, someone that doesn't exist.”

“Yeah ?” Dean jerks back again, as if slapped. “That's really what you think ?”

“Dean...”

 

Castiel watches him drive away. He's too exhausted to be mad at his brother. He's too scared.

 

“Just because Dean was an idiot when he was a kid it doesn't mean he didn't pine for you all these years.” Cain sits next to him, and Castiel wants to feel small again, small enough to hide his worries against the tall man.

“Dean doesn't pine.”

“You went to the city, you had a whole life away from us. That year Dean came back for Christmas, and he has been waiting for you ever since.”

His voice his shaking when he answers. “You never said anything.”

“You were busy. You had a whole life away from us, and you didn't want us to know.”

 

Cain comes to his room when he's ready to sleep. Castiel is relieved to see him almost back to his old self, walking without help. He accepts the warm bottle and the cup of herbal tea, and lets him fuss with the covers for a minute.

Cain is turning out the light when he asks.

“You said Dean was waiting for me ?”

“You should call him. You should ask him.”

 

Dean eyes are red, and Castiel doesn't think, he just grabs his best friend's face and wipes the fresh tears with his thumb.

Dean's room is not the same. No posters, no dirty laundry on the floor. The bed is still messy, but the sheets smell clean, and Dean mutters about not knowing someone would see it before tidying a little, putting the heavy feather comforter on them both.

“Cain said you waited for me.” It's important. Capital to know, if it's true, if all these years Castiel tried to forget and love other people, Dean was still here, still his.

“I kept thinking you would come back. I thought... we said we were in love, and we promised things.”

“But you...” Dean shakes his head, and here, in Dean's bed, he doesn't want to bring Lisa's name.

“I just hoped you would remember.”

 

It's still fresh and new, in a way. Fragile enough for them to stay inside, for Castiel to trace lines on Dean's face, for Dean to kiss his eyelids, his forehead.

 

“You still taste the same.” Castiel whispers in the dark. “Your kisses are still the same.”

“Yours are different.” Dean sounds heartbroken, but he pushes his face against Castiel's chest and closes his eyes. “You're different.”

 

Cain giggles when he see them taking off their coats on Sunday night.

“I guess you're joining us, Winchester.” 

Luke chuckles on his way back to the kitchen.

 

“I'm not ready.” Dean shakes against him, and Castiel tries to soothe him with soft hands and gentle kisses, tries to switch the tension between them into something soft.

“Of course. We'll wait.” Dean melts against him, but still looks like he's ready to bolt. “We should both get tested. When was your last...?”

“Cas...” Dean closes his eyes and he turns so red Castiel can feel it on hiw own skin. “I told you. I waited for you okay ?”

“Dean, what I mean is...”

“There was no one okay. You were the first, and you were the last, and can we stop talking about it ?”

“Oh.”

Castiel remembers their nights, and well, their afternoons, and all these times they just couldn't help but touch, and kiss, and explore.

He remembers them, but they're faded memories, he had other lovers, he learned a lot, and he kisses Dean's ear, silently apologizing for making him self conscious.

“I just... I had you. I didn't see the point in trying with others.”

Dean is the first to fall asleep, and Castiel keeps brushing his fingers through his hair, over and over again.

 

They're both getting ready for a night out with their brothers when Dean steps out of the bathroom, only a towel around his hips, making Castiel stop and watch.

“Do you know Uncle Bobby is dating a guy ?”

It takes him a handful of seconds to understand.

“Is he ? I thought Ellen...?”

“Yeah. It wasn't pretty back then. Water under the bridge, now, but yeah. British guy. Funny as hell. You'll hate him.”

“Can't wait.” And then, because he's curious. “Is this why you came out ?” Dean catches his eyes in the mirror, and shrugs, putting on a fresh pair of underwear, completely unaware of his own beauty.

“It helped.”

 

The night is nice, nicer than Castiel ever imagined growing up. 

Dean holds him close, and kisses him when they both are waiting for their drinks. No one seems to mind, no one really cares.

“Uncle Bobby being out... it showed me a lot of people here were just happy for him. They didn't care about anything except that. It was nice.”

 

They're driving back to Dean's place when Castiel brushes his knee.

“Remember that road ?” Dean smiles and nods, but Castiel goes on. “You took me there to watch the stars, you were driving your father's car.”

“I was trying so hard to impress you.”

“You kissed me and told me you loved me that night.”

“You remember that.”

“Of course I do.” Castiel puts his hand on Dean's thigh. “Of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ! I hope you liked it :) If so, please consider leaving kudos and a nice comment ? It means a lot and keeps me going !
> 
> You can always find me on Tumblr if you're wondering about something, or just want to chat :
> 
>  http://iwanttopizzamanyou.tumblr.com/post/167457789904/furusato
> 
> While I have your attention, please remember to drink regularly and to stretch from time to time, especially your back and your legs ! And if you need a snack, or to take meds, this is me reminding you to do it !
> 
> Happy November !


End file.
